27
Oct 09

A trip to the Body, Soul and Spirit expo (part 1): Quantum Entanglement

I enjoy meditation, but I wish this silhouette would stop kicking me in the eye.

It'd be easier to meditate if this silhouette would stop kicking me in the eye.

When I saw that the Body, Soul, and Spirit Holistic Wellness and Spirituality Expo was coming to Vancouver, I knew I had to clear whatever plans I had for that weekend. The website promised a roller-coaster ride of conspiracy, pseudoscience, and New Agery – from Jesus as a Tibetan quantum wizard to instructions for ascension to the next plane of consciousness, it’s all there. So last Saturday I met up with fellow Simon Fraser University Skeptic Josh Grant and took the plunge into the unknown. We decided to present ourselves as somewhat informed, very curious, and minimally snarky, in hopes of getting as much information as possible.

Due to the sheer amount of material coming out of this expo, I’m splitting it up into a few different posts – in the first installment, I’ll look at some of the wonderful applications of quantum physics, that wonderful branch of modern science that describes how the universe is basically a giant psychic vending machine that takes wishes instead of coins and dispenses huge wads of money and cancer-cures instead of experimental Dorito flavours and expired Snickers bars.

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22
Aug 09

Original Bankster

Earlier this year, the BBC published a nice article suggesting the revival of the term bankster” – a Depression-era portmanteau of banker and gangster – to describe the greedy financiers who have thrown us into the current crisis. I think it’s an excellent idea, but it seems the only people who have really picked it up at this point are the conspiracy crowd.

Earlier this summer, Alex Jones’s InfoWars (no relation to William Shatner’s TekWar)  picked up a story on the impending imposition of martial law, delivered via a “bankster holiday” in which a run on American banks will be avoided, FDR-style, by simply shutting them down for a couple of days. The government will take the opportunity to ruthlessly communisticize the economy, enabling the implementation of a global currency, leading to global government, rise of the Antichrist, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria:

Bob Chapman’s influential International Forecaster is reporting on the possibility of a so-called “bank holiday” planned for late August or early September. According to Chapman’s sources, U.S. embassies around the world are selling dollars and stockpiling money from respective countries where they operate . . .

Mr. Schultz believes a “bank holiday” would suit the burning desires of the international bankster elite. It will lead to “nationalization,” which is a polite word for brazen thievery. It will allow the government — owned lock, stock and barrel by the global elite and run by their corrupt whores and cronies — to rape secured creditors and bondholders.

The story spread throughout the paranoiasphere, and with the doomsday date of September 9th (or August 26th, depending on who you ask) fast approaching, the prospect of a catastrophic bank holiday is currently a hot topic of discussion on conspiracy boards like Above Top Secret and Godlike Productions.

Still, this isn’t a very popular conspiracy theory – not yet, anyway. The date-setting is probably a red flag for a lot of people, but there’s still a certain appeal – the idea that the financial crisis was engineered will probably gain traction over the next little while as people try to come to terms with what’s happened. Probably the biggest obstacle is that right now, it’s not in anyone’s ideological interest to push it as true. There’s always libertarians, I guess, but they’ve generally got a full schedule as far as conspiracy advocacy goes.

Watch as the fearsome Cohentacles envelop the world...

I'm pretty sure octopus isn't even kosher.

But there’s also a lingering nervousness about the topic itself. Like most people, conspiracy theorists in the Internet age are very careful with their dogwhistles – they’re quite conscious of seeming overtly racist, sexist, or antisemitic, and it’s difficult to talk about a conspiracy of “international bankers” without raising some hackles. Troubled times drove Henry Ford to believe in the authenticity of the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion, and “international bankers” became a not-so-subtle synonym for “Jews” in his running soapbox-rag, the Dearborn Independent.

So as a replacement, “banksters” is a good, value-free term – it doesn’t have the antisemitic connotations of “international bankers,” and is instantly understandable even to anyone who hasn’t heard it before (though less so when it is written rather than spoken). And there are a lot of legitimately horrible things that the financial industry has done to drive us into this crisis, though I have to differ from Alex Jones regarding the commu-Nazi globalist Muslim illegal immigrant genocidal environmentalist Reptoid plot to destroy the world’s economy.

So, moral of the story: start throwing “bankster” around if you get a chance. What’s the harm in a little nickname that you can mutter under your breath while kneeling before Ben Bernanke as he sits atop his skull-throne, sipping pensively from a goblet filled with the blood of Christian babies?


8
Aug 09

Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate: The saga in pictures

(click the more confusing ones for details)

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30
Jul 09

Truthers on parade: When the “disinfo shill” gambit backfires

Any conspiracy worth its salt contains a certain amount of paranoia. There’s always the worry that They are watching from the shadows, trying to deflect public awareness away from the conspiracy at hand – whether we’re talking about UFOs, 9/11, chemtrails, lizard people, or the vaccine-autism link. So it’s inevitable that debunkers are sometimes characterized as paid shills, COINTELPRO psyop plants, or disinformation agents (and as a disinformation agent myself this is a topic that’s near and dear to my heart).

Cover is blown! CODE BLUE CODE BLUE

Cover is blown! CODE BLUE CODE BLUE

But sometimes the shill gambit, as it’s called, backfires – and then we start to see ugly spats like those between the regular 9/11 truthers, who think that the World Trade Center was destroyed by controlled demolition, and the “no-plane” truthers, who think that the planes were holograms or cloaked missiles or computer-generated fakes designed to cover up the fact that the attacks were perpetrated using laser microwave rays from space. Each side accuses the other of being disinformation operatives – many vanilla truthers claim that the no-plane people were planted by the conspirators to discredit the movement by making them look crazy (a similar criticism has been leveled at lizardman-theory proponent David Icke by more mainstream New World Order conspiracists):

This is what the no-plane disinfo artists do. This is why they’re called disinfo artists. To take several news programs, chop them up into pieces and paste them together to make them say something they never did, and then post it as PROOF like the OP did with this thread is blatant deception and disinfo.

They have no proof and that’s why they resort to such unbelievable tactics.

Meanwhile, the no-plane truthers insist that their version is correct, and that the mainstream 9/11 conspiracy movement is actually a government operation to cover up the US government’s use of holographic cloaking microwave laser-missile technology. Judy Wood, one of the most widely known no-plane truthers, hosts an article on “ways to spot a spook” at truther meetings:

7) Method of destruction. Controlled Demolition by thermite/thermate. No other theories are allowed to be discussed. You will hear a great deal about thermate’s glow and how the military uses it in their controlled demolitions. Open and shut case. The jury is out. Further discussion is neither entertained nor welcomed. It matters not that this individual has not even studied other theories. This individual has made up his mind without the necessity of examining other information.

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24
Jul 09

The birthers and Sun Yat-sen

The Manchurian Candidate?

With the birther arguments picking up steam again, it’s not a bad idea to try and anticipate some of the new arguments that might be coming out in the next little while. Though the birth certificate controversy has been brewing since shortly after Obama announced his candidacy, the arguments have changed – a year ago you couldn’t swing a dead cyberspace-cat without hitting a blog post claiming that Obama’s Hawaiian birth certificate is a forgery, but that argument has largely fallen by the wayside. Now the focus seems to have shifted to ways in which he could have obtained it from the government (other than, of course, being born in Hawaii).

One talking point that’s been popping up sporadically for a few months, but seems to be gaining traction recently, is the birth certificate of Sun Yat-sen, the father of Republican China. Sun spent a great deal of time in Hawaii in his youth, and his early exposure to Western culture (via missionaries and British and American visitors) played a part in shaping his later political views. After the islands’ annexation by the US he was able to obtain American citizenship through a fraudulent birth certificate. Though Sun was born in the Guangzhou prefecture of China, and did not visit Hawaii until the age of thirteen, he was apparently able to find enough people to submit false affidavits to the contrary, allowing him to obtain a Certificate of Hawaiian Birth.

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20
Jul 09

The de facto leader of the Republican Party hops on the birther bandwagon

(”Birther”, for those who are unfamiliar with the term, refers to someone who thinks Obama’s birth certificate is fake and he was actually born elsewhere, usually in Kenya, making him ineligible to be President.)

I wish I could say I was surprised by this, but it was only a matter of time. Rumours about a conspiracy to cover up the fact that Obama was born in Kenya (and is therefore not eligible to be President) have been bouncing around the Internet since well before the election, and now, finally, Rush Limbaugh has started repeating the birth certificate conspiracy as fact.

LIMBAUGH: Barack Obama has yet to have to prove he’s a citizen. All he’d have to do is show a birth certificate. He has yet to have to prove he’s — I have to show them 14 different ways where the hell I am every day of the year for three years.

WHERES THE BIRTH C- oh, here it is.

WHERE'S THE BIRTH C- oh, here it is.

There are a couple of ways to take this – you could say that Rush has finally gone off the deep end and will probably take his listenership with him, that he’s caved in to pressure from a listenership that already believes in the conspiracy, or that he’s finally uncovered the truth about B. Hussein Obama, the Kenyan usurper. Personally I don’t think this is much of a shift; Rush has been pushing the conspiracy about the Clintons having Vince Foster killed for years now, so it’s not like promoting unfounded conspiracy theories is new for him (or for the right in general).

Probably the driving force behind all this kerfuffle is a series of lawsuits filed by Birther Extraordinaire Orly Taitz. Ms. Taitz, who’s been beating the birther drum for quite some time now, is recommending that any active-duty American soldier who doesn’t want to follow an order can sue the government and get out of it (since Obama, being a Kenyan Muslim Marxist sleeper agent, is not legally commander-in-chief of the military), which will surely turn out well. The current plaintiff, Major Stefan Cook, actually volunteered for duty in May of this year and protested his orders immediately before being deployed, so clearly there’s absolutely no ulterior motive here.

At any rate, the birthers seem to have been emboldened by the lawsuits and will probably keep going until they are handed a major court defeat. But there’s no way even that would stop the conspiracy theories; frivolous birth certificate lawsuits have been percolating through the US court system since the Obama presidency was just a glimmer in Rahm Emmanuel’s eye.

Here’s where I take off the tinfoil hat, start channeling the Zetas, and make a prediction about the future. The birth certificate lawsuit(s) will be defeated in court. The birthers will justify the defeat by claiming that activist Democrat judges are part of the conspiracy and are blocking inquiry, which will be taken as evidence that the cabal, despite controlling the courts, is starting to panic and clamp down on dissent. The only solution is to:

a) Send more money to keep fighting the good fight! We’re almost there!

b) Buy guns!

c) Continue to disregard any and all evidence that the birth certificate Obama has provided is in fact legitimate, and constitutes sufficient proof that no, the President of the United States was not secretly born in Kenya, you idiots.


19
Jul 09

Incoming pareidolia! Hit the deck!

The Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter has sent back some amazing photos of the moon’s surface – among them, a shot of the various moon landing sites. Here’s a pretty impressive one of the Apollo 14 lander:

As you can probably see, the resolution is not fantastic, so people around the Internet are having a fun time picking the images apart, claiming that there’s a coverup, that the images are photoshopped, and so on. I doubt that much will come of these pictures; people who think the landing was faked are going to find some way to discount the images, and those who don’t will point to them as evidence for their own position.

What should be very interesting is the shots of the rest of the moon – UFO-based conspiracy theories have often incorporated moonbases (occupied either by native aliens, aliens from elsewhere, or Nazis), and NASA’s upcoming moon-bombing mission has some UFO buffs crying foul:

The planned October 9, 2009 bombing of the moon by a NASA orbiter that will bomb the moon with a 2-ton kinetic weapon to create a 5 mile wide deep crater as an alleged water-seeking and lunar colonization experiment, is contrary to space law prohibiting environmental modification of celestial bodies.  The NASA moon bombing, a component of the LCROSS mission, may also trigger conflict with known extraterrestrial civilizations on the moon as reported on the moon in witnessed statements by U.S. astronauts Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong, and in witnessed statements to NSA (National Security Agency) photos and documents regarding an extraterrestrial base on the dark side of the moon.

I musta taken that wrong left turn at Albuquerque.

I musta taken that wrong left turn at Albuquerque.

So what should we expect to see in the wake of the LRO images’ release? If the shot of Bigfoot on Mars is any indication, the lunar surface should be a fruitful source of pareidolia – the apparent recognition of images in noise, like the Face on Mars or the Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich. People who are expecting to see aliens will spend hours poring over these maps, and so are going to see all kinds of weird and wonderful things.

I suspect it’ll be an echo of all the stuff that’s supposedly lurking about on Mars – we can expect to hear about canals, pyramids, roads, towers, and who knows what else. I will update with whatever falls out of this situation!


16
Jul 09

Diebold and ACORN: Dueling Scapegoats

One of the more popular conspiracy theories to come out of the 2008 US election (and good lord have there been a lot) has been the idea that a community organizing group by the name of ACORN (Association of Community Organizers for Reform Now) rigged the election for the Democrats via massive voter fraud and/or using malt liquor and cigarettes to bribe black people BUMS AND THUGS OF INDETERMINATE ETHNIC ORIGIN into voting for Obama on election day.

Hmmm – the stock market isn’t doing so well, but I might consider purchasing stock in the companies that sell Old English 40 ounce malt liquor, Newport cigarettes, and Kool cigarettes. They are probably making a killing during the election season, with ACORN getting bulk shipments to bribe bums and thugs to vote.

Now they’re being implicated as some kind of urban Gestapo, answerable only to the President, bent on destroying America by rigging the census so that Americans can be put into internment camps.

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11
Jul 09

There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold, and she’s buying a bunch of quack medicine

Christians praying to a golden bull for material wealth. Seriously.

Devout Christians praying to a golden bull for material wealth. Seriously.

What is it that makes something valuable? You’ll probably get a different answer depending on whom you ask – a capitalist would say something about supply and demand, an academic might talk about the degree to which something increases our knowledge of the world, and so on.

But radical libertarians, alternative medicine proponents, ancient-astronaut pseudoarchaeologists, and five-year-olds on Ritalin will give you more or less the same answer: “That depends – how shiny is it?”

The obsession with gold, silver, and precious stones in the pseudoscientific subculture is massive.  You might be excused for thinking that this is based on some kind of materialistic greed – but mere wealth is no object for those who have transcended the material and focus entirely on the spiritual. Gold has a special vibration, a special frequency. Gold is one of the greatest sources of natural healing (next to silver, of course). Gold is the reason why ancient astronauts came to Earth; if you eat it, it reprograms your DNA to make you more intelligent, so aliens fed it to us so that we could mine even more gold for them. Gold is the only valid form of currency; if a country is not on the gold standard, it is doomed to failure.

Take for instance the GoldIsMoney forums, which is basically a gathering place for people who are so obsessed with precious metals that they get sexually aroused at the thought of diving Scrooge McDuck-style into a vault of gold coins. They actually have a gold porn thread.

^^^ Oh My God! Is that real??

I really miss my gold………………………….:(

WOW!!!! All of this gold is making me drool all over myself.

An old timer once told me it doesn’t matter how big it is. It’s how big everyone thinks it is that count’s. While I don’t entirely agree with that logic, there is an element of truth to it.

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8
Jul 09

Jackson traction: maximum distraction?

MJ? Who is this MJ? My name is... Guy Incognito.

MJ? Who is this MJ? My name is... Guy Incognito.

Michael Jackson died a little while ago. Not being a fan myself, I took the news with equanimity, but this is apparently not a sentiment shared by many. The cable news networks assure me that despite overwhelming public outcry, Jackson is still dead. There’s probably no good reason for this state of affairs, and it seems a cruel trick on the part of Nature.

Naturally, some people are taking the news pretty hard – there are the usual suggestions that his death was faked, as with any celebrity who dies relatively young, though the Gloved One was no Elvis or 2Pac or Marilyn Monroe (although it could be argued that if you take those three, mash them together in a trash compactor, and force the resulting flesh-cube to take the lead role in Satan’s production of Peter Pan, you’d pretty much have Michael Jackson in a nutshell). A wonderful article in the Daily Telegraph sums up some of the early theories, and a series of hysterical Yahoo Answers threads provides a good gauge of paranoid opinion:

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