Devout Christians praying to a golden bull for material wealth. Seriously.
What is it that makes something valuable? You’ll probably get a different answer depending on whom you ask – a capitalist would say something about supply and demand, an academic might talk about the degree to which something increases our knowledge of the world, and so on.
But radical libertarians, alternative medicine proponents, ancient-astronaut pseudoarchaeologists, and five-year-olds on Ritalin will give you more or less the same answer: “That depends – how shiny is it?”
The obsession with gold, silver, and precious stones in the pseudoscientific subculture is massive. You might be excused for thinking that this is based on some kind of materialistic greed – but mere wealth is no object for those who have transcended the material and focus entirely on the spiritual. Gold has a special vibration, a special frequency. Gold is one of the greatest sources of natural healing (next to silver, of course). Gold is the reason why ancient astronauts came to Earth; if you eat it, it reprograms your DNA to make you more intelligent, so aliens fed it to us so that we could mine even more gold for them. Gold is the only valid form of currency; if a country is not on the gold standard, it is doomed to failure.
Take for instance the GoldIsMoney forums, which is basically a gathering place for people who are so obsessed with precious metals that they get sexually aroused at the thought of diving Scrooge McDuck-style into a vault of gold coins. They actually have a gold porn thread.
^^^ Oh My God! Is that real??
I really miss my gold………………………….:(
WOW!!!! All of this gold is making me drool all over myself.
An old timer once told me it doesn’t matter how big it is. It’s how big everyone thinks it is that count’s. While I don’t entirely agree with that logic, there is an element of truth to it.
This is your skin on libertarianism.
Another section of the site is devoted to the medicinal uses of precious metals. Most of the threads there are about colloidal silver, an old-school patent medicine that supposedly cures pretty much everything. When prepared improperly it also leads to argyria, a condition in which you acquire the attractive skin tone of Papa Smurf. Of course, the people on GoldIsMoney are probably chugging as much of the stuff as they can in the hope that one day, a drunken Gargamel will mistake them for the Smurf patriarch and turn them into gold.
If you believe Zecharia Sitchin, the granddaddy of pseudoarchaeology and the Planet X conspiracy theory, and David Icke, the first person to realize the truth about the ruling elites (that all politicians and Jews International Bankers are actually shapeshifting lizard people from the constellation Draco), even aliens love gold! The extraterrestrial Annunaki, who were worshipped as gods by the Sumerians, made us intelligent by feeding us monoatomic gold – which God also gave to the Israelites during Exodus so that they could do… something.
Did the Bible conveniently get the spelling wrong? Could it be the Arc of the Covenant? As in electrical arc? Is it the arc that melts the gold, with which they make the bread for higher intelligence? Is this why it’s been hidden from us for thousands of years?
Hey man, I’m just asking questions here!
The gold obsession continues in the ancient astronaut literature. Erich von Däniken’s The Gold of the Gods examines a massive collection of allegedly alien-created gold artifacts in South America. Can we see some pictures, Erich? Well…
On several occasions Moricz had stopped me taking photographs as we passed through the tunnels. He kept on making different excuses. Sometimes it was the radiation that would make the negatives unusable, sometimes it was the flash which might damage the metal library with its blinding light. At first I could not understand why, but after a few hours underground I began to sense the reason for Moricz’s strange behavior.
You could not get rid of the feeling of being constantly watched, of destroying something magic, of unleashing a catastrophe. Would the entrances suddenly close? Would my flash ignite a synchronized laser beam? Would we never see the light of day again? Childish ideas for men engaged on serious investigation? Perhaps.
But if you had experienced what it was like down there, you would understand these absurd ideas. Teams equipped with modern technical aids will have to work down there to see whether there are any dangers to be overcome or avoided. When I first saw the pile of gold, I begged to be allowed to take just one photo. Once again I was refused. The lumps of gold had to be levered from the pile and that might make a noise and start stones falling from the roof like an avalanche.
Well sure he didn’t take any photographs of this secret cave of incontrovertible proof of alien intervention on Earth, which would be perhaps the greatest discovery in human histoy – but in his defense, it was really really creepy, and you never know when your camera flash is going to cause bits of gold to dislodge themselves and start a massive collapse.
Then there’s NESARA. There’s a whole series of posts that could be dedicated to these guys, but suffice it to say that NESARA started as a libertarian-inspired economic bill to, among other things, reinstate the gold standard. Money is worthless unless it’s backed by shiny metal, you see, and going back to the gold standard will solve all our economic woes.
Minimally crazy so far, right? The story doesn’t end there, though – NESARA was later picked up by a rather crafty cult leader by the name of Shaini Goodwin, who claimed it was passed by the US Congress and changed at the last minute to not just implement a gold standard, but also to declare world peace, disclose alien activity on Earth, release suppressed free energy technology, and resurrect Elvis. Naturally, there’s a conspiracy to cover it up (not just NESARA itself, but the fact that there’s enough gold to support an actual gold standard), and the only way to get it out in the open is to give lots and lots of money to Ms. Goodwin.
Don't even get me started.
So what can we learn from all this? Why is there this obsession with gold, silver, and other precious metals within pseudoscience? Why don’t ancient astronauts come to Earth for granite, or pumice, or niobium? Why don’t libertarians drink colloidal iron and advocate an argon standard? Why don’t advocates of crystal healing attribute healing powers to the ugliest stones, rather than the prettiest ones?
It all comes back to the question of value. It’s an uncomfortable thought that there’s no real objectivity to the concept of value – people want to feel that the universe is understandable in some detached, God’s Eye sort of way, that there’s an objective standard of value that we can meaningfully access. If a crystal seems beautiful, it’s a nice thought that it looks that way because it’s objectively better than the less attractive rocks in some way.
And for whatever reason, we think that gold is very valuable indeed. A lot of blood has been spilled over this particular shiny metal. So, goes the line of reasoning, there must be a reason for this – surely our desire for gold can’t be irrational. There must be something deeper there – some magical property; maybe it makes us psychic, or heals us. Maybe we were genetically engineered by aliens to mine it, or maybe it’s some kind of objective, Platonic embodiment of the concept of value. Or all of the above. Whatever the reason, gold must be meaningful for some reason beyond the value that we, as greedy little bastards, accord it.
When there’s this kind of strong connection between spiritual wealth and earthly wealth, the latter starts to become a way of getting to the former. Here we see echoes of Prosperity Gospel and The Secret – it’s spiritually meaningful to be rich, to flaunt your wealth; God and The Universe and Ron Paul want you to be wealthy, all you have to do is ask! Gold and silver and precious stones will make you whole, will fulfill you, will let you live forever, will render you a vessel of all that is good and right with the world.
Ah, the American Dream!
Tags: aliens, alternative medicine, libertarianism, new age, pseudoscience
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